Germanicus, the father of Gaius Caesar, the son of Drusus and Antonia theYounger, was adopted by Tiberius, his paternal uncle. After serving as quaestorfor five years, before the legal age, he became Consul, without holding theusual intermediate offices, and at Augustus death the Senate appointed him tocommand the forces in Germany. Though the legions there were unamously opposedto Tiberius succession and would have acclaimed Germanicus Emperor, he showed aremarkable example of filial respect and determination by diverting theirattention from this project; he took the offensive in Germany, and won atriumph. As Consul-elect for the second time he was hurried off to restoreorder in the East, before being able to take office. There he defeated the Kingof Armenia, and reduced Cappadocia to provincial status, but succumbed to aprotracted illness at Antioch, being thirty-three years old when he died.Because of the dark stains which covered his body, and the foam on his lips,poison was suspected; signifcantly, also, they found the heart intact among hisbones after cremation- a heart steeped in poison is supposedly proof againstfire.
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2. According to the general verdict, Tiberius craftily arranged Germanicus'death with Gnaeus Piso as his intermediary and agent. Piso had been appointedto govern Syria and there, deciding that he must make an enemy either ofGermanicus or of Tiberius, took every opportunity to provoke Germanicus, evenwhen on his sickbed, by the meanest acts and speeches; behaviour for which theSenate condemned him to death on his return to Rome, after he had narrowlyescaped a popular lynching.
3. Germanicus is everywhere described as having been of out-standing physicaland moral excellence. He was handsome, courageous, a past-master of Greek andLatin oratory and letters, conspicuously kind-hearted, and gifted with thepowerful desire and capacity for winning respect and inspiring affection. Onlyhis legs were somewhat undeveloped, but he strengthened them by assiduousexercise on horseback after meals. He often fought and killed an enemy inhand-to-hand combat; and did not cease to plead causes in the Law Courts evenwhen he had gained a triumph. Some of his Greek comedies are extant, besidesother literary works. At home or abroad he always behaved modestly, woulddispense with lictors when visiting any free or allied town, and offeredsacrifices at whatever tombs of famous men he came across. On deciding to buryunder one mound all the scattered remains of Varus' fallen legionaries, he ledthe search party himself and took the initiative in the collection. Towards hisdetractors Germanicus showed such tolerance and leniency, regardless of theiridentity or motives, that he would not even break with Piso (who was cancellinghis orders and plaguing his subordinates) until he found that spells andpotions were being used against him. And then he did no more than renounce hisfriendship by uttering the traditional formula, and leave testamentaryinstructions for his family to take vengeance on Piso if anything should happento himself
4. Such virtuous conduct brought Germanicus rich rewards. He was so deeplyrespected and loved by all his kindred that Augustus -I need hardly mention hisother relatives - wondered for a long time whether to make him his successor,but at last ordered Tiberius to adopt him. Germanicus, many writers record, hadwon such intense popular devotion that he was in danger of being mobbed todeath whenever he arrived at Rome or took his leave again. Indeed, when he came back from Germany after suppressing the native uprising, all thecohorts of the Praetorian Guard marched out in welcome, despite orders thatonly two were to do so; and the entire people of Rome - all ages and ranks andboth sexes - flocked as far as the twentieth milestone to meet him.
But the most spectacular proof of the devotion in which Germanicus had beenheld appeared on the day of his death and immediately afterwards. On the daywhen he died the populace stoned temples and upset altars; people threw theirhousehold-gods into the street, and refused to acknowledge their newly-bornchildren. Even the barbarians who were fighting us, or one another, are said tohave made immediate peace as though a domestic tragedy had afflicted the wholeworld; some princes shaving their own beards, and their wives' heads, in tokenof profound grief. The King of Kings himself cancelled his hunting parties andbanquets with his grandees, which is a sign of public mourning in Parthia.
6. While Rome was still stunned and distressed by the first news of hisillness,' and waiting for further bulletins, a rumour that he had recoveredsuddenly went the rounds one evening after dark, and sent people rushing to theCapitol with torches and sacrificial victims. So eager were they to registertheir vows that the Temple gates were almost torn down. Tiberius was awakenedby the joyful chant:
All is well again at Rome,
All is well again at home,
Here's an end to all our pain: Germanicus is well again!
When the news of his death finally broke, neither edicts nor officialexpressions of sympathy could console the populace; mourning continuedthroughout the festal days of December. The renown of the dead man and thebitterness of his loss were accentuated by the horrors which followed; foreveryone believed, and with good reason, that moral respect for Germanicus hadalone kept Tiberius from displaying the cruelty of his wicked heart - which wassoon to burst forth.
7. Germanicus married Agrippina the Elder, daughter of Marcus Agrippa andJulia, who bore him nine children. Two died in infancy, and a third, anextremely likeable boy, during early childhood. Livia dedicated a statue ofhim, dressed as a cupid, to Capitoline Venus; Augustus kept a replica in hisbedroom and used to kiss it fondly whenever he entered. The other children -three girls, Agrippina the Younger, Drusilla, and Livilla, born in successiveyears; and three boys, Nero, Drusus, and Gains Caesar - survived their father;but Tiberius later brought charges against Nero and Drusus, whom he persuadedthe Senate to execute as public enemies.
8. Gaius Caesar was born on 31 August, A.D. 12, during theconsulship shared by his father with Gaius Fonteius Capito. His birthplace isdisputed. According to Gnaeus Lentulus Gaetuiicus, he was born at Tibur; but,according to Pliny the Elder, near Treveri, in the village of Ambitarvium, justabove the junction of the Moselle and the Rhine. Pliny supports his view bymentioning certain local altars inscribed 'IN HONOUR OF AGRIPPINA'SPUERPERIUM' (i.e. child-bearing), also a verse, which went the rounds atGaius' accession and suggests that he was born in the winter quarters of thelegions:
born in a barracks,
Reared in the arts ofwar: A noble nativity
For a Roman Emperor!
The Gazette, however, gives his birthplace as Antium; and my researchesconvince me that this is correct. Pliny shows that Gaetulicus tried to flatterthe proud young monarch by pretending that he came from Tibur, a city sacred toHercules; and that he lied with greater confidence because Germanicus did havea son named Gaius Caesar born there, whose lovable character as a boy, andpremature death, I have already mentioned. Nevertheless, Pliny is himselfmistaken in his chronology since historians of Augustus' reign agree thatGermanicus' first visit to Gaul took place after he had been Consul, by whichtime Gaius was already born. Moreover, the inscription on the altar does notprove Pliny's point, since Agrippina bore Germanicus two daughters in Gaul, andany confinement is a puerperium11, regardless of the child'ssex - girls were formerly called puerae as often as pueilae, andboys puelli as often as pueri. Finally, there is a letter whichAugustus wrote a few months before he died, to his grand-daughter Agrippina theElder; the Gaius mentioned in it must have been the future emperor because noother child of that name Was alive at the time. It reads: 'Yesterday I madearrangements for Talarius and Asillius to 'bring your son Gaius to you on theeighteenth of May, if the gods will. I am also sending with him one of myslaves, a doctor who, as I have told Germanicus in a letter, need not bereturned to me if he proves of use to you. Goodbye, my dear Agrippina! Keepwell on the way back to your Germanicus.' Clearly, Gaius could not have beenborn in a country to which he was first taken from Rome at the age of nearlytwo! This letter also weakens my confidence in that piece of verse. So we are,I think, reduced to accepting the only other authority, namely the Gazette,especially since Gaius preferred Antium to any other city, and treated itas his native place; he even planned, they say, to transfer the seat ofimperial government there, when he wearied of Rome.
9. He won his surname, Caligula ('Bootikin') from an army joke, because he grewup among the troops and wore the miniature uniform of a private soldier. Anundeniable proof of the hold on their affections which this early experience ofcamp-life gave him is that when they rioted at the news of Augustus' death andwere ready for any madness, the mere1 sight of little Gaiusunquestionably calmed them down. As soon as they realized that he was beingremoved to a neighboring city to protect him from their violence, they wereovercome by contrition; some of them seized and stopped his carriage, pleadingto be spared this disgrace.
10. Gaius also accompanied Germanicus to Syria. On his return he lived with hismother and next, after she had been exiled, with his great-grandmotherLivia,1 whose funeral oration he delivered from the Rostra though hebad not yet come of age. He then lived with his grandmother Antonia untilTiberius summoned him to Capreae, at the age of eighteen. He assumed his manlygown and shaved his first beard as soon as he arrived there; but this was amost informal occasion, compared with his brothers' coming-of-age celebrations.The courtiers tried every trick to lure or force him into making complaintsagainst Tiberius; always, however, without success. He not only failed to showany interest in the murder of his relatives, but affected an amazingindifference to his own ill-treatment, behaving so obsequiously to his adoptivegrandfather and to the entire household,that someone said of him, very neatly:'Never was there a better slave, or a worse master!'
11. Yet even in those days he could not control his natural brutality andviciousness. He loved watching tortures and executions; and, disguised in wigand robe, abandoned himself nightly to the pleasures of gluttonous andadulterous living. Tiberius was ready enough to indulge a passion which Gainshad for theatrical dancing and singing, on the ground that it might have acivilizing influence on him. With characteristic shrewdness, the old Emperorhad exactly gauged the young man's vicious inclinations, and would often remarkthat Gaius' advent portended his own death and the ruin of every-one else. 'Iam nursing a viper for the Roman people,' he once said, 'and a Phaethon for thewhole world.'
12. Gaius presently married Junia Claudilla, daughter of the distinguishedMarcus Silanus; after which he was first appointed Augur, in place of hisbrother Drusus, and then promoted to the Priesthood, in compliment to hisdutiful behaviour and exemplary life. This encouraged him in the hope ofbecoming Tiberius' successor, because Sejanus' downfall' had reduced the Courtto a shadow of its former self - and when Junia died in childbirth, he seducedEnnia Naevia, wife of Macro9, the Guards Commander; not only swearing to marryher if he became Emperor, but putting the oath in writing. Having through herwormed his way into Macro's favor, he poisoned Tiberius, as some assert,issuing orders for the imperial ring to be removed while he was stillbreathing; and then, suspecting that he was trying not to let it go, he had himsmothered with a pillow - or even throttled Tiberius with his own hands, andwhen a freedman cried out in protest at this wicked deed, crucified him atonce. All this may be true; some writers report that Gaius later confessed atleast to intended parricide. He would often boast, that is to say, of havingcarried a dagger into Tiberius' bedroom with the dutiful intention of avenginghis mother and brothers; but, according to his own account, found Tiberiusasleep and, restrained by feelings of pity, threw down the dagger and went out.Tiberius, he said, was perfectly aware of what had happened, yet never daredquestion him, or take any action in the matter.
13. Gaius' accession seemed to the Roman people - one might almost say, to thewhole world - like a dream come true. The memory of Germanicus and compassionfor a family that had been practically wiped out by successive murders, mademost provincials and soldiers, many of whom had known him as a child, and theentire population of Rome as well, show extravagant joy that he was nowEmperor. When he escorted Tiberius' corpse from Misenum to Rome he was, ofcourse, dressed in mourning, but a dense crowd greeted him uproariously withaltars, sacrifices, torches, and such endearments as 'star', 'chicken', 'baby',and 'pet'.
14. On his arrival in the city the Senate (and a crowd of people who had forcedtheir way into the House) immediately and unanimously conferred absolute powerupon him. They set aside Tiberius' will - which made his other grandson, thenstill a child, joint-heir with Gaius - and so splendid were the celebrationsthat 160,000 victims were publicly sacrificed during the next three months, orperhaps even a shorter period.
A few days later Gaius visited the prison islands off Campania, and vows wereuttered for his safe return - at that time no opportunity of demonstrating ageneral concern for his welfare was ever disregarded. When he fell ill, anxiouscrowds besieged the Palace all night. Some swore that they would fight asgladiators if the gods allowed him to recover; others even carried placardsvolunteering to die instead of him. To the great love in which he was held byhis own people, foreigners added their own tribute of devotion. Artabanus, Kingof the Parthians, who always expressed outspoken hatred and contempt forTiberius, made unsolicited overtures of friendship to Gaius, attended aconference with the Governor of Syria and, before returning across the riverEuphrates, paid homage to the Roman Eagles and standards, and to the statues ofthe Caesars.
15. Gaius strengthened his popularity by every possible means. He delivered afuneral speech in honour of Tiberius to a vast crowd, weeping profusely all thewhile; and gave him a magnificent burial. But as soon as this was over hesailed for Pandataria and the Pontian Islands to fetch back the remains of hismother and his brother Nero; and during rough weather, too, in proof ofdevotion. He approached the ashes with the utmost reverence and transferredthem to the urns with his own hands. Equally dramatic was hisgesture of raising a standard on the stern of the bireme which brought the urnsto Ostia, and thence up the Tiber to Rome. He had arranged that the mostdistinguished knights available should carry them to the Mausoleum in twobiers, at about noon, when the streets were at their busiest; also appointingan annual day of funeral sacrifices, in addition to Circus games, in honour ofhis mother, at which her image would be paraded in a covered carriage. Hehonored his father's memory by renaming the month of September 'Germanicus';and sponsored a senatorial decree which awarded his grandmother Antonia, at ablow, all the honors won by Livia Augusta in her entire lifetime. Asfellow-Consul he chose his uncle Claudius, who had hitherto been a mere knight;and adopted young Tiberius Gemellus when he came of age, giving him theofficial title of'Prince of the Youth'.
Gaius caused the names of his sisters to be included in all oaths, inthe following terms: '. . .1 will not value my life or that of my children lesshighly than I do the safety of the Emperor Gaius and his sisters!' - and in theconsular motions, as follows: 'Good fortune attend the Emperor Gaius and hissisters!'
An equally popular step was his recall of all exiles, and dismissal ofall criminal charges whatsoever that had been pending since earliertimes. The batches of written evidence in his mother's and brothers' cases werebrought to the Forum at his orders, and burned, to set at rest the minds ofsuch witnesses and informers as had testified against them; but first he sworebefore Heaven that he had neither read nor touched a single document. He alsorefused to examine a report supposedly concerning his own safety, on the groundthat nobody could have any reason to hate him, and that he gave no hearing toinformers.
16. Gaius drove from the city the perverts known as spintriae, and couldwith difficulty be restrained from drowning the lot. He gave permission for theworks of Titus Labienus, Cremutius Cordus, and Cassius Severus, which had beenbanned by order of the Senate, to be routed out and republished - stating it tobe entirely in his interest that posterity should be in full possession ofall historical facts; also, he revived Augustus' practice, discontinuedby Tiberius, of publishing an imperial budget; invested the magistrates withfull authority, not requiring them to apply for his confirmation of sentences;and strictly and scrupulously scanned the list of knights but, though publiclydismounting any who had behaved in a wicked or scandalous manner, merely omitted the names of those guilty of lesser mis-behaviour fromthe list which he read out. Gaius' creation of a fifth judicial division aidedjurors to keep abreast of their work; his reviving of the electoral system wasdesigned to restore popular control over the magistracy. He honored faithfullyand uncritically every one of the bequests m Tiberius' will, though this hadbeen set aside by the Senate, and in that of his maternal great-grandmotherLivia, which Tiberius had suppressed; abolished the Italian half per-centauction tax; and paid compensation to a great many people whose houses had beendamaged by fire. Any king whom he restored to the throne was awarded thearrears of taxes and revenue that had accumulated since his deposition -Antiochus of Commagene, for example, got a refund of a million gold pieces fromthe Public Treasury. To show his interest in every kind of noble action heawarded 8,000 gold pieces to a freedwoman who, though put to extreme torture,had not revealed her patron's guilt. These acts won him many official honors,among them a golden shield, carried once a year to the Capitol by the priestlycolleges marching in procession, and followed by the ~1~ate, whilechildren of noble birth chanted an anthem in praise of his virtues. By asenatorial decree the festival of Parilia, was transferred to theday of his accession, as though Rome had now been born again.
17. Gaius held four consulships: the earliest for two months, from 1 July; thenext for the whole month of January; the third for the first thirteen days ofjanuary; and the fourth for the first seven. Only the last two were insequence.2 He assumed his third consulship without a colleague. Somehistorians describe this as a high-handed breach of precedent; but unfairly,because he was then quartered at Lugdunum, where the news that his fellowConsul-elect had died in Rome, just before the New Year, had not reached him intime. He twice presented every member of the commons with three gold pieces;and twice invited all the senators and knights, with their wives and children,to an extravagant banquet. At the first of these banquets he gave every man atoga and every woman a red or purple scarf He also added to the gaiety of Romeby extending the customary four days of the Saturnalia, with a fifth, known as'Youth Day'.
18. Gaius held several gladiatorial contests, some in Statilius Taurus'amphitheatre, and others in the Enclosure; diversifying them with prize-fightsbetween the best boxers of Africa and Campania, and occasionally allowingmagistrates or friends to preside at these instead of doing so himself. Again,he staged a great number of different theatrical shows of various kinds and invarious buildings -sometimes at night, with the whole city illuminated - andwould scatter vouchers among the audience entitling them to all sorts of gifts,over and above the basket of food which was everyone's due. At one banquet,noticing with what extraordinary gusto a knight seated opposite dug into thefood, he sent him his own heaped plate as well; and rewarded a senator, who hadbeen similarly enjoying himself with a praetorship, though it was not yet histurn to hold this office. Many all-day Games were celebrated in the Circus and,between races, Gaius introduced panther-baiting and the Trojan war dance. Forcertain special Games, when all the charioteers were men of senatorial rank, hehad the Circus decorated in red and green. Once, while he was inspecting theCircus equipment, from the Gelotian House which overlooks it, a group of peoplestanding in the near-by balconies called out: 'What about a day's racing,Caesar?' So, on the spur of the moment, he gave immediate orders for games tobe held.
19. One of his spectacles was on such a fantastic scale that nothing like ithad ever been seen before. He collected all available merchant ships andanchored them in two lines, close together, the whole way from Baiae to themole at Puteoli, a distance of more than three and a half Roman miles. Then hehad earth heaped on their planks, and made a kind of Appian Way along which hetrotted back and forth for two consecutive days. On the first day he woreoak-leaf crown, sword, buckler, and cloth-of-gold cloak, and rode a gailycaparisoned charger. On the second, he appeared in charioteer's costume drivinga team of two famous horses, with a boy named Dareus, one of his Parthianhostages, displayed in the car beside him; behind came the entire PraetorianGuard, and a group of his friends mounted in Gallic chariots. Gaius is, ofcourse, generally supposed to have built the bridge as an improvement onXerxes' famous feat of bridging the much narrower Hellespont. Others believethat he planned this huge engineering feat to terrify the Germans and Britons,on whom he had his eye. But my grandfather used to tell me as a boy that, according to somecourtiers in Gaius's confidence, the reason for the bridge was this: whenTiberius could not decide whom to appoint as his successor, and inclinedtowards his natural grandson, Thrasyllus the astrologer had toldhim: 'As for Gaius, he has no more chance of becoming Emperor than of riding ahorse dryshod across the Gulf of Baiae.'
20. Gaius gave several shows abroad - Athenian Games at Syracuse in Sicily, andmiscellaneous Games at Lugdunum in Gaul, where he also held a competition inGreek and Latin oratory. The loser, it appears, had to present the winners withprizes and make speeches praising them; while those who failed miserably wereforced to erase their entries with either sponges or their own tongues - unlessthey preferred to be thrashed and flung into the neighboring river.
21. He completed certain projects half finished by Tiberius: namely, theTemple of Augustus and Pompey's Theatre; and began the construction of anaqueduct in the Tibur district, and of an amphitheatre near the Enclosure. (Hissuccessor Claudius finished the aqueduct; but work on the amphitheatre wasabandoned.) Gaius rebuilt the ruinous ancient walls and temples ~f Syracuse,and among his other projects were the restoration of Polycrates palace atSamos, the completion of Didymaean Apollo's temple at Ephesus, and the buildingof a city high up in the Alps. But he was most deeply interested in cutting acanal through the Isthmus in Greece, and sent a leading-centurionthere to survey the site.
22. So much for the Emperor; the rest of this history must deal with theMonster.
He adopted a variety of titles: such as 'Pious', 'Son of the Camp', 'Father ofthe Army', 'Best and Greatest of Ceasars . But when once, at the dinner table,some foreign kings who had come to pay homage were arguing which of them wasthe most nobly descended, Gaius interrupted their discussion by declaimingHomer's line:
Nay, let there be one master, and one king!
And he nearly assumed a royal diadem then and there, turning the semblance of aprincipate into an autocracy. However, after his courtiers reminded him that healready outranked any prince or king, he insisted on being treated as a god - sending for the most revered orartistically famous statues of the Greek deities (including that of Jupiter atOlympia), and having their heads replaced by his own.
Next, Gaius extended the Palace as far as the Forum; converted the shrine ofCastor and Pollux into its vestibule; and would often stand beside these DivineBrethren to be worshipped by all visitants, some of whom addressed him as'Jupiter Latiaris'. He established a shrine to himself as God, with priests,the costliest possible victims, and a life-sized golden image, which wasdressed every day in clothes identical with those that he happened to bewearing. All the richest citizens tried to gain priesthoods here, either byinfluence or bribery. Flamingoes, peacocks, black grouse, guinea-hens, andpheasants were offered as sacrifices, each on a particular day of the month.When the moon shone full and bright he always invited the Moon-goddess tosexual intercourse in his bed; and during the day would indulge in whisperedconversations with Capitoline Jupiter, pressing his ear to the god's mouth, andsometimes raising his voice in anger. Once he was overheard threatening thegod: 'If you do not raise me up to heaven I will cast you down to Hell.'Finally he announced that Jupiter had persuaded him to share his home; andtherefore connected the Palace with the Capitol by throwing a bridge across theTemple of the God Augustus; after which he began building a new house insidethe precincts of the Capitol itself, in order to live even nearer.
23. Because of Agrippa's humble origin Gaius loathed being described as hisgrandson, and would fly into a rage if anyone mentioned him, in speech or song,as an ancestor of the Caesars. He nursed a fantasy that his mother had beenborn of an incestuous union between Augustus and his daughter Julia; and notcontent with thus discrediting Augustus' name, cancelled the annualcommemorations of Agrippa's victories at Actium and off Sicily, declaring thatthey had proved the disastrous ruin of the Roman people. He called hisgreat-grandmother Livia a 'Ulysses in petticoats', and in a letter to theSenate dared describe her as of low birth - 'her maternal grandfather AufidiusLurco having been a mere local senator at Fundi' -although the public recordsshowed Lurco to have held high office at Rome. When his grandmother Antoniaasked him to grant her a private audience he insisted on taking Macro, theGuards Commander, as his escort. Unkind treatment of this sort hurried her tothe
grave though, according to some, he accelerated the process with poison and,when she died, showed so little respect that he sat in his dining-room andwatched the funeral pyre burn. One day he sent a colonel to kill young TiberiusGemellus without warning; on the pretext that Tiberius had insulted him bytaking an antidote against poison - his breath smelled of it. Then he forcedhis father-in-law, Marcus Silanus, to cut his own throat with a razor, thecharge being that he had not followed the imperial ship when it put to sea m astorm, but had stayed on shore to seize power at Rome if anything happened tohimself The truth was that Silanus, a notoriously bad sailor, could not facethe voyage; and Tiberius's breath smelled of medicine taken for a persistentcough which was getting worse. Gaius preserved his uncle Claudius merely as abutt for practical jokes.
24. It was his habit to commit incest with each of his three sisters and, atlarge banquets, when his wife reclined above him, placed them all in turn belowhim. They say that he ravished his sister Drusilla before he came 0[[sterling]]age: their grandmother Antonia, at whose house they were both staying, caughtthem in bed together. Later, he took Drusilla from her husband, the formerConsul Lucius Cassius Longinus, openly treating her as his lawfully marriedwife; and when he fell dangerously ill left Drusilla all his property, and theEmpire too. At her death he made it a capital offense to laugh, to bathe, or todine with one's parents, wives, or children while the period of public mourninglasted; and was so crazed with grief that he suddenly rushed from Rome bynight, drove through Campania, took ship to Syracuse, and returned just asimpetuously without having shaved or cut his hair in the meantime. Afterwards,whenever he had to take an important oath, he swore by Drusilla's divinity,even at a public assembly or an army parade. He showed no such extreme love orrespect for the two surviving sisters, and often, indeed, let his boy friendssleep with them; and at Aemilius Lepidus' trial, felt no compunction aboutdenouncing them as adulteresses who were party to plots against him - openlyproducing letters in their handwriting (acquired by trickery and seduction) anddedicating to Mars the Avenger the three swords with which, the accompanyingplacard alleged, they had meant to kill him.
25. It would be hard to say whether the way he got married, the way hedissolved his marriages, or the way he behaved as a husband was the most disgraceful. He attended the wedding ceremony of Gaius Piso andLivia Orestilla, but had the bride carried off to his own home. After a fewdays, however, he divorced her, and two years later banished her, suspectingthat she had returned to Piso in the interval. According to one account he toldPiso, who was reclining opposite him at the wedding feast: 'Hands off my wife!'and abducted her from the table at once; and announced the next day that he hadtaken a wife in the style of Romulus and Augustus. Then he suddenly sent forLollia Paulina, wife of Gaius Memmius, a Governor of consular rank, from hisprovince, because somebody had remarked that her grandmother was once a famousbeauty; but soon discarded her, forbidding her ever again to sleep with anotherman. Caesonia was neither young nor beautiful, and had three daughters by aformer husband, besides being recklessly extravagant and utterly promiscuous;yet he loved her with a passionate faithfulness and often, when reviewing thetroops, used to take her out riding in helmet, cloak, and shield. For hisfriends he even paraded her naked; but would not allow her the dignified titleof 'wife' until she had borne him a child, whereupon he announced the marriageand the birth simultaneously. He named the child Julia Drusilla; and carriedher around the temples of all the goddesses in turn before finally entrustingher to the lap of Minerva, whom he called upon to supervise his daughter'sgrowth and education. What finally convinced him of his own paternity was herviolent temper; while still an infant she would try to scratch her littleplaymates' faces and eyes.
26. it would be trivial and pointless to record how Gaius treated suchrelatives and friends as his cousin King Ptolemy of Mauretania (the son of KingJuba and grandson of Antony by his daughter Cleopatra Selene), or Macro theGuards Commander, with his wife Ennia, by whose help he had become Emperor.Their very nearness and services to him earned them cruel deaths.
Nor was he any more respectful or considerate in his dealings with the Senate,but made some of the highest officials run for miles beside his chariot,dressed in their togas; or wait in short linen tunics at the head or foot ofhis dining couch. Often he would send for men whom he had secretly killed, asthough they were still alive, and remarkoff-handedly a few days later that they must have committed suicide.When two Consuls forgot to announce his birthday, he dismissed them and leftthe country for three days without officers of state. One of his quaestors wascharged with conspiracy; Gaius had his clothes stripped off and spread on theground' to give the soldiers who flogged him a firmer foothold.
He behaved just as arrogantly and violently towards the other orders ofsociety. A crowd bursting into the Circus about midnight to secure free seatsangered him so much that he had them driven away with clubs; more than a scoreof knights, as many married women, and numerous others were crushed to death inthe ensuing panic. Gaius liked to stir up trouble in the Theatre by scatteringgift vouchers before the seats were occupied, thus tempting commoners to invadethe rows reserved for knights. During gladiatorial shows he would have thecanopies removed at the hottest time of the day and forbid anyone to leave; ortake away the usual equipment, and pit feeble old fighters against decrepitwild animals; or stage comic duels between respectable householders whohappened to be physically disabled in some way or other. More than once heclosed down the granaries and let the people go hungry.
27. The following instances will illustrate his bloodthirstiness. Havingcollected wild animals for one of his shows, he found butcher's meat tooexpensive and decided to feed them with criminals instead. He paid no attentionto the charge-sheets, but simply stood in the middle of a colonnade, glanced atthe prisoners lined up before him, and gave the order: 'Kill every man betweenthat bald head and the other one over there!' Someone had sworn to fight in thearena if Gaius recovered from his illness; Gaius forced him to fulfill thisoath, and watched his swordplay closely, not letting him go until he had wonthe match and begged abjectedly to be released. Another fellow had pledgedhimself, on the same occasion, to commit suicide; Gaius, finding that he wasstill alive, ordered him to be dressed in wreaths and fillets, and driventhrough Rome by the imperial slaves -who kept harping on his pledge and finallyflung him over the embankment into the river. Many men of decent family werebranded at his command, and sent down the mines, or put to work on the roads,or thrown to the wild beasts. Others were confined in narrow cages, where they had to crouch on all fours like animals; or were sawnm half- and not necessarily for minor offenses, but merely for criticizing hisshows, or failing to swear by his Genius.
Gaius made parents attend their sons executions, and when one other excusedhimself on the ground of ill-health, provided a litter for him. Having invitedanother father to dinner just after the son's execution, he overflowed withgood-fellowship in an attempt to make him laugh andjoke. He watched the managerof his gladiatorial and wild-beast shows being flogged with chains for severaldays running, and had him killed only when the smell of suppurating brainsbecame insupportable. A writer of Atellan farces was burned alive in theamphitheatre, because of a line which had an amusing double-entendre. Oneknight, on the point of being thrown to the wild beasts, shouted that he wasinnocent; Gaius brought him back, removed his tongue, and then ordered thesentence to be carried out.
28. Once he asked a returned exile how he had been spending his time. Toflatter him the man answered: 'I prayed continuously to the gods for Tiberius'death, and your accession; and my prayer was granted.' Gaius thereforeconcluded that the new batch of exiles must be praying for his own death; so hesent agents from island to island and had them all killed. Being anxious thatone particular senator should be torn in pieces he persuaded some of hiscolleagues to challenge him as a public enemy when he entered the House, stabhim with their pens, and then hand him over for lynching to the rest of theSenate; and was not satisfied until the victim's limbs, organs, and guts hadbeen dragged through the streets and heaped up at his feet.
29. Gaius' savage crimes were made worse by his brutal language. He claimedthat no personal trait made him feel prouder than his 'inflexibility' - bywhich he must have meant 'brazen impudence. As though mere deafness to hisgrandmother Antonia's good advice were not enough, he told her: 'Bear in mindthat I can treat anyone exactly as I please!' Suspecting that young TiberiusGemellus had taken drugs as prophylactics to the poison he intended toadminister, he scoffed: 'Can there really be an antidote against Caesar?' And,on banishing his sisters, he remarked: 'I have swords as well as islands.' Oneex-praetor, taking a cure at Anticyra, made frequent requests for an extensionof his sick leave; Gaius had him put to death, suggesting that if hellebore had been of so little benefit over so long a period, he mustneed to be bled. When signing the execution list he used to say: 'I am clearingmy accounts.' And one day, after sentencing a number of Gauls and Greeks to diein the same batch, he boasted of having 'subdued Gallo-Graecia'.
30. The method of execution he preferred was to inflict numerous small wounds;and his familiar order: 'Make him feel that he is dying!' soon becameproverbial. Once, when the wrong man had been killed, owing to a confusion ofnames, he announced that the victim had equally deserved death; and oftenquoted Accius' line:
Let them hate me, so long as they fear me.
He would indiscriminately abuse the Senate as having been friends of Sejanus,or informers against his mother and brothers (at this point producing thepapers which he was supposed to have burned!); and exclaim that Tiberius'cruelty had been quite justified since, with so many accusers, he was bound tobelieve their charges. The Knights earned his constant displeasure for spendingtheir time, or so he complained, at the play or the Games. On one occasion thepeople cheered the team he opposed; he cried angrily: 'I wish all you Romanshad only one neck!' When a shout arose in the amphitheatre for Tetrinius thebandit to come out and fight, he said that all those who called forhimwere Tetriniuses too. A group of net-and-trident gladiators,dressed in tunics, put up a very poor show against the five men-at-arms' withwhom they were matched; but when he sentenced them to death, one of them seizeda trident and killed each of the victorious team in turn. Gaius then publiclyexpressed his horror at what he called 'this most bloody murder', and hisdisgust with those who had been able to stomach the sight.
31. He went about complaining how bad the times were, and particularly thatthere had been no public disasters like the Varus massacre under Augustus, orthe collapse of the amphitheatre at Fidenae under Tiberius. The prosperity ofhis own reign, he said, would lead to its being wholly forgotten, and he oftenprayed for a great military catastrophe, or for some famine, plague, fire, orearthquake.
32. Everything that he said and did was marked with equalcruelty, even during his hours of rest and amusement and banqueting. Hefrequently had trials by torture held in his presence while he waseating or otherwise enjoying himself; and kept an expert headsman in readinessto decapitate the prisoners brought in from gaol. When the bridge across thesea at Puteoli was being blessed, he invited a number of spectators from theshore to inspect it; then abruptly tipped them into the water. Some clung tothe ships' rudders, but he had them dislodged with boat-hooks and oars, andleft to drown. At a public dinner in the city he sent to his executioners aslave who had stolen a strip of silver from a couch; they were to lop off theman's hands, tie them around his neck so that they hung on his breast, and takehim for a tour of the tables, displaying a placard in explanation of hispunishment. On another occasion a gladiator from the school' against whom hewas fencing with a wooden sword fell down deliberately; whereupon Gaius drew areal dagger, stabbed him to death, and ran about waving the palm-branch ofvictory. Once, while presiding appropriately robed at the sacrificial altar, heswung his mallet, as if at the victim, but instead felled theassistant-priest. At one particularly extravagant banquet he burst into suddenpeals of laughter. The Consuls, who were reclining next to him, politely askedwhether they might share the joke. 'What do you think?' he answered. 'Itoccurred to me that I have only to give one nod and both your throats will becut on the spot!'
33. As an example of his sense of humour, he played a prank on Apelles, thetragic actor, by standing beside a statue of Jupiter and asking: 'Which of ustwo is the greater?' When Apelles hesitated momentarily, Gaius had him flogged,commenting on the musical quality of his groans for mercy. He never kissed theneck of his wife or mistress without saying: 'And this beautiful throat will becut whenever I please.' Sometimes he even threatened to torture Caesonia as ameans of discovering why he was so devoted to her.
34. In his insolent pride and destructiveness he made malicious attacks on menof almost every epoch. Needing more room in the Capitol courtyard, Augustus hadonce shifted the statues of certain celebrities to the Campus Martius; theseGaius dashed to the ground and shattered so completely, inscriptions and all, that they could notpossibly be restored. After this no statue or bust of any living personanywhere could be set up without his permission. He toyed with the idea ofsuppressing Homer's poems - for he might surely claim Plato's privilege ofbanishing Homer from his republic? As for Virgil and Livy, he came very near tohaving their works and busts removed from the libraries, claiming that Virgilhad no talent and little learning; and that Livy was a wordy and inaccuratehistorian. It seems, also, that he proposed to abolish the legal profession; atany rate, he often swore by Hercules that no lawyer could give advice contraryto his will.
35. He deprived the noblest men at Rome of their ancient family emblems -Torquatus lost his golden collar, Cincinnatus his lock of hair, and GnaeusPompeius the surname 'Great' belonging to his ancient house. He invited KingPtolemy to visit Rome, welcomed him with appropriate honors, and then suddenlyordered his execution -as mentioned above - because at Ptolemy's entrance intothe amphitheatre during a gladiatorial show the fine purple cloak which he worehad attracted universal admiration. Any good-looking man with a fine head ofhair whom Gaius ran across - he himself was bald - had the back of his scalpbrutally shaved. One Aesius Proculus, a leading centurions son, was sowell-built and handsome that people nicknamed him 'Giant Cupid'. Withoutwarning, Gaius ordered Aesius to be dragged from his seat in the amphitheatreinto the arena, and matched first with a Thracian net-fighter, then with aman-at-arms. Though Aesius won both combats, he was thereupon dressed in rags,led fettered through the streets to be jeered at by women, and finallyexecuted; the truth being that however low anyone's fortune or condition mightbe, Gaius always found some cause for envy. Thus he sent a stronger man thanthe then Sacred King of Lake Nemorensis to challenge him, after many years ofoffice.1 A chariot-fighter called Porius drew such tremendousapplause for freeing his slave in celebration of a victory at the Games thatGaius indignantly rushed from the amphitheatre. In so doing he tripped over thefringe of his robe and pitched down the steps, at the bottom of which hecomplained that the people who ruled the world seemed to take greater noticeof a gladiator's trifling gesture than of all their deified emperors, oreven the one still among them.
36. He had not the slightest regard for chastity, either his own or others',and was accused of homosexual relations, both active and passive, with MarcusLepidus, also Mnester the comedian,' and various foreign hostages; moreover, ayoung man of consular family, Valerius Catullus, revealed publicly that he hadbuggered the Emperor, and quite worn himself out in the process. Besides incestwith his sisters, and a notorious passion for the prostitute Pyrallis, he madeadvances to almost every woman of rank in Rome; after inviting a selection ofthem to dinner with their husbands he would slowly and carefully examine eachin turn while they passed his couch, as a purchaser might assess the value of aslave, and even stretch out his hand and lift up the chin of any woman who kepther eyes modestly cast down. Then, whenever he felt so inclined, he would sendfor whoever pleased him best, and leave the banquet in her company. A littlelater he would return, showing obvious signs of what he had been about, andopenly discuss his bed-fellow in detail, dwelling on her good and bad physicalpoints and commenting on her sexual performance. To some of these unfortunateshe issued, and publicly registered, divorces in the names of their absenthusbands.
37. No parallel can be found for Gaius' far-fetched extravagances. He inventednew kinds of baths, and the most unnatural dishes and drinks - bathing in hotand cold perfumed bath-oils, drinking valuable pearls dissolved in vinegar, andproviding his guests with golden bread and golden meat; and would remark that aman must be either frugal or Caesar. For several days in succession hescattered largesse from the roof of the Julian Basilica; and built Liburniangalleys, with ten banks of oars, jewelled sterns, multi-coloured sails, andwith huge baths, colonnades, and banqueting-halls aboard - not to mention vinesand fruit trees of different varieties. In these vessels he used to takeearly-morning cruises along the Campanian coast, reclining on his couch andlistening to songs and choruses. Villas and country-houses were run up for himregardless of expense - in fact, Gaius seemed interested only in doing theapparently impossible - which led him to construct moles in deep, rough waterfar out to sea, drive tunnels through exceptionally hard rocks, raise flatground to the height ofmountains, and reduce mountains to the level of plains; and all at immensespeed, because he punished delay with death. But why give details? Suffice itto record that, in less than a year he squandered Tiberius' entire fortune of27 million gold pieces, and an enormous amount of other treasure besides.
38. When impoverished and in need of funds, Gaius concentrated on wickedlyingenious methods of raising funds by false accusations, auctions, and taxes.He ruled that no man could lawfully enjoy Roman citizenship acquired by anyancestor more remote than his father; and when confronted with certificates ofcitizenship issued by Julius Caesar or Augustus, rejected them as antiquatedand obsolete. He also disallowed all property returns to which, for whateverreason, later additions had been appended. If a leading-centurion hadbequeathed nothing either to Tiberius or himself since the beginning of theformer's reign, he would rescind the will on the ground of ingratitude; andvoided those of all other persons who were said to have intended making himtheir heir when they died, but had not done so. This caused widespread alarm,and even people who did not know him personally would tell their friends orchildren that they had left him everything; but if they continued to live afterthe declaration he considered himself tricked, and sent several of thempresents of poisoned sweets. Gains conducted these cases in person, firstannouncing the sum he meant to raise, and not stopping until he had raised it.The slightest delay nettled him, and he once passed a single sentence on abatch of more than forty men charged with various offenses, and then boastedto Caesonia, when she woke from her nap, that he had done very good businesssince she dozed off.
He would auction whatever properties were left over from a show; driving up thebidding to such heights that many of those present, forced to buy at fantasticprices, found themselves ruined and committed suicide by opening their veins. Afamous occasion was when Aponius Saturninus fell asleep on a bench, and Gaiuswarned the auctioneer to keep an eye on the senator of praetorian rank who keptnodding his head at him. Before the bidding ended Aponius had unwittinglybought thirteen gladiators for a total of 90,000 gold pieces.
39. While in Gaul Gaius did so well by selling the furniture, jewellery,slaves, and even the freedmen of his condemned sisters at immense prices that he decided to do the same with the furnishings of the OldPalace. So he sent to Rome, where his agents commandeered public conveyances,and even draught animals from the bakeries, to fetch the stuff north; which ledto a bread shortage in the city, and to the loss of many law-suits, becauselitigants who lived at a distance were unable to appear in court and meet theirbail. He then used all kinds of procurers' tricks for disposing of thefurniture: scolding the bidders for their avarice, or for their shamelessnessin being richer than he was, and pretending grief at this surrender of imperialproperty to commoners. Discovering that one wealthy provincial had paid the menwho issued the emperor's invitations 2,000 gold pieces to be smuggled into abanquet, he was delighted that the privilege of dining with him should bevalued so highly and, when next day the same man turned up at the auction, madehim pay 2,000 gold pieces for some trifling object - but also sent him apersonal invitation to dinner.
40. The tax-collectors were ordered to raise new and unprecedented levies, andfound this so profitable that he detailed his Guards colonels and centurions tocollect the money instead. No class of goods or individuals now avoided duty ofsome kind. He imposed a fixed tax on all foodstuffs sold in any quarter of thecity, and a charge of 2~ per cent on the money involved in every law-suit andlegal transaction whatsoever; and devised special penalties for anyone whocompounded or abandoned a case. Porters had to hand over an eighth part oftheir day's earnings and prostitutes their standard fee for a single sexual act- even if they had quitted their profession and were respectably married; pimpsand ex-pimps also became liable to this public tax, and even marriagewas not exempt.
41. These new regulations having been announced by word of mouth only, manypeople failed to observe them, through ignorance. At last he acceded to theurgent popular demand, by posting the regulations up, but in an awkwardlycramped spot and written so small that no one could take a copy. He nevermissed a chance of securing loot: setting aside a suite of Palace rooms, hedecorated them worthily, opened a brothel, stocked it with married women andfree-born boys, and then sent his pages around the squares and public halls,inviting all men, of whatever age, to come and enjoy themselves. Those whoappeared were lent money at interest, and clerks openly wrote down their names under the heading 'Contributors to the ImperialRevenue'.
Gaius did not even disdain to make profits from gambling, and when he played atdice he would always cheat and lie. Once he interrupted a game by giving up hisseat to the man behind him and going out into the courtyard A couple of richknights passed; Gaius immediately had them arrested and confiscated theirproperty; then resumed the game in high spirits, boasting that his luck hadnever been better.
His daughter's birth gave him an excuse for further complaints of poverty.'In addition to the burden of sovereignty,' he said, 'I must now shoulder thatof fatherhood' - and promptly took up a collection for her education and dowry.He also announced that New Year gifts would be welcomed on 1 January; and thensat in the Palace porch, grabbing the handfuls and capfiils of coin which amixed crowd of all classes pressed on him. At last he developed a passion forthe feel of money and, spilling heaps of gold pieces on an open space, wouldwalk over them barefoot, or else lie down and wallow.
43. Gaius had only a single taste of warfare, and even that was unpremeditatedAt Mevania, where he went to visit the river Clitumnus and its sacred grove,someone reminded him that he needed Batavian recruits for his bodyguard; whichsuggested the idea of a German expedition. He wasted no time in summoningregular legions and auxiliaries from all directions, levied troops everywherewith the utmost strictness, and collected military supplies of all kinds on anunprecedented scale. Then he marched off so rapidly and hurriedly that theGuards cohorts could not keep up with him except by breaking tradition: theyhad to tie their standards on the pack-mules. Yet, later, he became so lazy andself-indulgent that he travelled in a litter borne by eight bearers; and,whenever he approached a town, made the inhabitants sweep the roads and lay thedust with sprinklers.
44. After reaching his headquarters, Gaius showed how keen and severe acommander-in-chief he intended to be by ignominiously dismissing any generalwho was late in bringing along from various places the auxiliaries he required.Then, when he reviewed the legions, he discharged many veteranleading-centurions on grounds of age and incapacity, though some had only a fewmore days of their service to run; and, calling the remainder a pack of greedy fellows, scaled down theirretirement bonus to sixty gold pieces each.
All that he accomplished in this expedition was to receive the surrender ofAdminius, son of the British King Cunobelinus,1 who had beenbanished by his father and come over to the Romans with a few followers. Gaius,nevertheless, wrote an extravagant despatch to Rome as if the whole island hadsurrendered to him, and ordered the couriers not to dismount from theirpost-chaise on reaching the outskirts of the city but make straight for theForum and the Senate House, and take his letter to the Temple of Mars theAvenger for personal delivery to the Consuls, in the presence of the entireSenate.
45. Since the chance of military action appeared very remote, he presently senta few of his German bodyguard across the Rhine, with orders to hide themselves.After lunch scouts hurried in to tell him excitedly that the enemy were uponhim. He at once galloped out, at the head of his friends and part of the Guardscavalry, to halt in the nearest thicket, where they chopped branches from thetrees and dressed them like trophies; then, riding back by torchlight, hetaunted as timorous cowards all who had failed to follow him, and awarded hisfellow-heroes a novel fashion in crowns - he called it 'The Ranger's Crown' -ornamented with sun, moon, and stars. On another day he took some hostages froman elementary school and secretly ordered them on ahead of him. Later, he lefthis dinner in a hurry and took his cavalry in pursuit of them, as though theyhad been fugitives. He was no less melodramatic about this foray: when hereturned to the hall after catching the hostages and bringing them back inirons, and his officers reported that the army was marshaled, he made themrecline at table, still in their corselets, and quoted Virgil's famous advice:'Be steadfast, comrades, and preserve yourselves for happier occasions!' Healso severely reprimanded the absent Senate and People for enjoying banquetsand festivities, and for hanging about the theatres or their luxuriouscountry-houses while the Emperor was exposed to all the hazards of war.
46. In the end, he drew up his army in battle array facing the Channel andmoved the arrow-casting machines and other artillery into position as though heintended to bring the campaign to a close. No one had the least notion what wasin his mind when, suddenly,he gave the order: 'Gather sea-shells!' He referred to the shells as'plunder from the ocean, due to the Capitol and to the Palace', and made thetroops fill their helmets and tunic-laps' with them; commemorating this victoryby the erection of a tall lighthouse, not unlike the one at Pharos, in whichfires were to be kept going all night as a guide to ships. Then he promisedevery soldier a bounty of four gold pieces, and told them: 'Go happy, go rich!'as though he had been excessively generous.
47. He now concentrated his attention on his forthcoming triumph To supplementthe few prisoners and the deserters who had come over from the barbarians, hepicked the tallest Gauls of the province -'those worthy of a triumph' - andsome of their chiefs as well. These had not only to grow their hair and dye itred, but also to learn German and adopt German names. The triremes used in theChannel were carted to Rome overland most of the way; and he sent a letterahead instructing his agents to prepare a triumph more lavish than any hithertoknown, but at the least possible expense; and added that everyone's propertywas at their disposal.
48. Before leaving Gaul he planned, in an access of unspeakable cruelty, tomassacre the legionaries who long ago, at news of Augustus death, hadmutinously besieged the headquarters of his father Germanicus, who was theircommander; he had been there himself as a little child. His friends barelyrestrained him from carrying this plan out, and he could not be dissuaded fromordering the execution of every tenth man; for which purpose they had to paradewithout arms, not even wearing their swords, and surrounded by armed horsemen.But when he noticed that a number of legionaries, scenting trouble, wereslipping away to fetch their weapons, he hurriedly fled from the gathering andheaded straight for Rome. There, to distract attention from his ingloriousexploits, he openly and vengefully threatened the Senate who, he said, hadcheated him of a well-earned triumph - though, in point of fact he hadexpressly stated, a few days before, that they must do nothing to honour him,on pain of death.
49. So, when the distinguished senatorial delegates met him with an officialplea for his immediate return, he shouted: 'I am coming, and this' -tapping the hilt of his sword - 'is coming too!' He was returning only to thosewho would really welcome him; namely,
the knights and the people; so far as the senators were concerned he wouldnever again consider himself their fellow-citizen, or their Emperor, andforbade any more of them to meet him. Having cancelled, or at least postponed,his triumph, he entered the city on his birthday, and received an ovation.Within four months he was dea&
But meanwhile he had dared commit fearful crimes, and contemplated even worseones: such as murdering the most distinguished of the senators and knights, andthen moving the seat of government first to Antium, and afterwards toAlexandria. So that none may doubt this, let me record that two books werefound among his papers entitled The Dagger and The Stvora, eachof them containing the names and addresses of men whom he had planned to kill.A huge chest filled with a variety of poisons also came to light. It is saidthat when Claudius later threw this into the sea, quantities of dead fish, castup by the tide, littered the neighboring beaches.
50. Physical characteristics of Gaius:
Height: tall.
Complexion: pallid.
Body: hairy and badly built.
Neck: thin.
Legs: spindling.
Eyes and temples: hollow.
Forehead: broad and forbidding.
Scalp: almost hairless, especially on the top.
Because of his baldness and hairiness he announced that it was a capitaloffense for anyone either to look down on him as he passed or to mention goatsin any context. He worked hard to make his naturally forbidding and uncouthface even more repulsive, by practicing fearful and horrifying grimaces infront of a mirror. Gaius was, in fact, sick both physically and mentally. Inhis boyhood, he suffered from epilepsy; and although in his youth he was notlacking in endurance, there were times when he could hardly walk, stand, think,or hold up his head, owing to sudden faintness. He was well aware that he hadmental trouble, and sometimes proposed taking a leave of absence from Rome toclear his brain; Caesonia is reputed to have given him an aphrodisiac whichdrove him mad. Insomnia was his worst torment. Three hours a night of fitful sleep were all that he evergot, and even then terrifying visions would haunt him - once, for instance, hedreamed that he had a conversation with an apparition of the sea. He tired oflying awake the greater part of the night, and would alternately sit up in bedand wander through the long colonnades, calling out from time to time fordaylight and longing for it to come.
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51. 1 am convinced that this brain-sickness accounted for his two contradictoryvices - over-confidence and extreme timorousness.Here was a man who despised the gods, yet shut his eyes and buried hishead beneath the bedclothes at the most distant sound of thunder; and if thestorm came closer, would jump out of bed and crawl underneath. In his travelsthrough Sicily he poked fun at the miraculous stories associated with localshrines, yet on reaching Messana suddenly fled in. the middle of the night,terrified by the smoke and noise which came from the crater of Etna. Despitehis fearful threats against the barbarians, he showed so little courage afterhe had crossed the Rhine and gone riding in a chariot through a defile, thatwhen someone happened to remark: 'What a panic there would be if the enemyunexpectedly appeared!' he immediately leaped on a horse and galloped back tothe bridges. These were crowded with camp servants and baggage, but he hadhimself passed from hand to hand over the men's heads, in his impatience at anydelay. Soon afterwards, hearing of an uprising in Germany, he decided to escapeby sea. He fitted out a fleet for this purpose, finding comfort only in thethought that, should the enemy be victorious and occupy the Alpine summits asthe Cimbrians had done, or Rome, as the Senonian Gauls had done, he would atleast be able to hold his overseas provinces. This was probably what later gaveGaius' assassins the idea of quieting his turbulent soldiers with the storythat rumors of a defeat had scared him into sudden suicide.
52. Gaius paid no attention to traditional or current fashions in his dress;ignoring male conventions and even the human decencies. Often he made publicappearances in a cloak covered with embroidery and encrusted with preciousstones, a long-sleeved tunic and bracelets; or in silk (which men wereforbidden by law to wear) or even in a woman's robe; and came shod sometimeswith slippers, sometimes with buskins, sometimes with military boots, sometimeswith women's shoes. Often he affected a golden beard and carried a thunderbolt,trident, or serpent-twined staff in his hand. He even dressed up as Venus and,even before his expedition, wore the uniform of a triumphant general, includingsometimes the breastplate which he had stolen from Alexander the Great's tombat Alexandria.
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53. Though no man of letters, Gaius took pains to study rhetoric, and showedremarkable eloquence and quickness of 'mind, especially when prosecuting. Angerincited him to a flood of words and thoughts; he moved about excitedly whilespeaking, and his voice carried a great distance. At the start of every speech1he would warn the audience that he proposed to 'draw the swordwhich he had forged in his midnight study'; yet so despised all polished andelegant style that he discounted Seneca, then at the height of his fame, as amere text-book orator', or 'sand without lime'. He often published confutationsof speakers who had successfully pleaded a cause; or composed speeches for boththe prosecution and the defense of important men who were on trial by theSenate - the verdict depending entirely on the caprice of his pen - and wouldinvite the knights by proclamation to attend and listen.
54. Gaius practiced many other various arts as well, most enthusiastically,too. He made appearances as a Thracian gladiator, as a singer, as a dancer,fought with real weapons, and drove chariots in many circuses in a number ofplaces. Indeed, he was so proud of his voice and his dancing that he could notresist the temptation of supporting the tragic actors at public performances;and would repeat their gestures by way of praise or criticism. On the very dayof his death he seems to have ordered an all-night festival, intending to takeadvantage of the free-and-easy atmosphere for making his stage debut. He oftendanced at night, and once, at about midnight, summoned three senators ofconsular rank to the Palace; arriving half-dead with fear, they were conductedto a stage upon which, amid a tremendous racket of flutes and clogs, Gaiussuddenly burst, dressed in cloak and ankle-length tunic, performed a song anddance, and disappeared again. Yet, with all these gifts, he could not swim astroke!
55. On those whom he loved he bestowed an almost insane passion. He'wouldshower kisses on Mnester the comedian, even in thetheatre; and if anyone made the slightest noise during a performance, Gaius hadthe offender dragged from his seat and beat him with his own hands. To a knightwho created some disturbance while Mnester was on the stage, he sentinstructions by a centurion to go at once to Ostia and convey a sealed messageto King Ptolemy in Mauretania. The message read: 'Do nothing at all, eithergood or bad, to the bearer.'
He chose Thracian gladiators to officer his German bodyguard He reduced thedefensive armor of the men-at-arms; and when a gladiator of this sort, calledColumbus, won a fight but was lightly wounded, Gaius had him treated with avirulent poison which he afterwards called 'Columbinum' - at any rate that washow he described it in his catalogue of poisons. He supported the Leek-greenfaction with such ardor that he would often dine and spend the night in theirstables and, on one occasion, gave the driver Eutychus presents worth 20,000gold pieces. To prevent Incitatus, his favorite horse, from being disturbed healways picketed the neighborhood with troops on the day before the races,ordering them to enforce absolute silence. Incitatus owned a marble stable, anivory stall, purple blankets, and a jeweled collar; also a house, a team ofslaves, and furniture - to provide suitable entertainment for guests whom Gaiusinvited in its name. It is said that he even planned to award Incitatus aconsulship.
56. Such frantic and reckless behaviour roused murderous thoughts in certainminds. One or two plots for his assassination were discovered; others werestill awaiting a favorable opportunity, when two men put their heads togetherand succeeded in killing him, thanks to the co-operation of his most powerfulfreedmen and the Guards' commanders. These commanders had been accused of beingimplicated in a previous plot and, although innocent, realized that Gaius hatedand feared them. Once in fact, he had subjected them to public shame andsuspicion, taking them aside and announcing, as he waved a sword, that he wouldgladly kill himself if they thought him deserving of death. After this heaccused them again and again, each to the other, and tried to make bad bloodbetween them. At last they decided to kill him at about noon as he left thePalatine Games, the principal part being claimed by the Guards' colonel CassiusChaerea. Gaius had persistently teased Cassius, who was no longer young, for his supposed effeminacy. Whenever he demanded the watchword, Gaiusused to give him 'Priapus', or 'Venus'; and if he came to acknowledge a favor,always stuck out his middle finger for him to kiss, and waggled it obscenely.
57. Many omens of Gaius' approaching murder were reported. While the statue ofOlympian Jupiter was being dismantled before removal to Rome at his command, itburst into such a roar of laughter that the scaffolding collapsedand the workmen took to their heels; and a man named Cassius appearedimmediately afterwards saying that he had been ordered, in a dream, tosacrifice a bull to Jupiter. The Capitol at Capua was struck by lightning onthe Ides of March, which some interpreted as portending another imperial death;because of the famous murder that had taken place on that day. At Rome, thePalace doorkeeper's lodge was likewise struck; and this seemed to mean that theOwner of the Palace stood in danger of attack by his own guards. On askingSulla the soothsayer for his horoscope, Gaius learned that he must expect todie very soon. The Oracle of Fortune at Antium likewise warned him: 'Beware ofCassius!' whereupon, forgetting Chaerea's family name, he ordered the murder ofCassius Longinus, Governor of Asia at the time. On the night before hisassassination he dreamed that he was standing beside Jupiter's heavenly throne,when the God kicked him with a toe of his right foot and sent him tumbling downto earth. Some other events that occurred on the morning of his death were alsoread as portents. For instance, blood splashed him as he was sacrificing aflamingo; Mnester danced the same tragedy of Cinyras that had been performed bythe actor Neoptolemus during the Games at which King Philip of Macedonia wasassassinated; and in a farce1 called Laiireo1i~s, at the close ofwhich the leading character, a highwayman, had to die while escaping and vomitblood, the understudies were so anxious to display their proficiency at dyingthat they flooded the stage with blood. A nocturnal performance by Egyptiansand Ethiopians was also in rehearsal: a play staged in the Underworld.
58. On 24 January then, just past midday, Gaius, seated in the Theatre, couldnot make up his mind whether to adjourn for lunch; he still felt a little queasy after too heavy a banquet on the previousnight. However, his friends persuaded him to come out with them, along acovered walk; and there he found some boys of noble family who had beensummoned from Asia, rehearsing the Trojan war-dance. He stopped to watch andencourage them, and would have taken them back to the Theatre and held theperformance at once, had their principal not complained of a cold. Twodifferent versions of what followed are current. Some say that Chaerea came upbehind Gaius as he stood talking to the boys and, with a cry of 'Take this!'gave him a deep sword-wound in the neck, whereupon Cornelius Sabinus, the othercolonel, stabbed him in the breast. The other version makes Sabinus tellcertain centurions implicated in the plot to clear away the crowd and then askGaius for the day's watchword. He is said to have replied: 'Jupiter', whereuponChaerea, from his rear, yelled: 'So be it!' - and split his jawbone as heturned his head. Gaius lay writhing on the ground. 'I am still alive!' heshouted; but word went round: 'Strike again!' and he succumbed to1 thirtyfurther wounds, including sword-thrusts through the genitals. His bearersrushed to help him, using their litter-poles; and soon his German bodyguardappeared, killing several of the assassins and a few innocent senators into thebargain.
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59. He died at the age of twenty-nine after ruling for three years, ten months,and eight days. His body was moved secretly to the Lamian Gardens,half-cremated on a hastily-built pyre, and then buried beneath a shallowcovering of sods. Later, when his sisters returned from exile they exhumed,cremated, and entombed it. But all the city knew that the Gardens had beenhaunted until then by his ghost, and that something horrible appeared everynight at the scene of the murder until at last the building burned down.Caesonia was murdered by a centurion at the same time, and their daughter'sbrains were dashed out against a wall.
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60. The condition of the times could be judged by the sequel: at first no onewould believe that he had really been assassinated, and suspected that thestory was invented and circulated by himself to discover what people thought ofhim. The conspirators had no particular candidate for Emperor m mind, and thesenators were so unanimously bent on restoring the Republic that the Consulssummoned the first assembly not to the House, because it was named the JulianBuilding, but to the Capitol. Some wanted all memory of the Caesarsobliterated, and their temples destroyed. People commented on the fact thatevery Caesar named 'Gaius' had died by the sword, beginning with Gains JuliusCaesar Strabo, murdered in Cinna's day.